having 8 people all using say a 5 frame attack is no real risk of dropping a game, its when a mass of summons (skeletons are the worst) all land hits at once. say even just 8 skeles and 8 mages, thats 16 hits all at the same time, then all 4 golems and all 4 blades too, + players landing 4-5 hits a second, its just too much. a necro should always drop all skeletons for bosses and a druid should always run just dires and grizzly at most. a sin using talon kicks (at 3 fpa) + a mass of people attacking all at once can drop the game too.
Its about group play for sure, but you need startegy too. thats why there are counters. take it in turns to attack maybe 2 at a time. If a boss could just get swarmed then they would be alot easier than they are now.
However, you are right that it shouldn't be dropping games, its just how it is so you have to work around it by taking it in turns to attack either 1 or 2 at a time. I cant stress enough how any summon necro should drop the skeles for most high countering bosses. The only one you want summons on is the second minion on a baal run. (no mages vs bosses ever)
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we then we on to do it in single player with far more ease and no crashing (private i mean) which was cool for us, but the other 4 guys we were playing with ended up missing out, which is a shame.